can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
