Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
