i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
