i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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