Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
