all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
