Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
