Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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