It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I love you. Go after that dick
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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