...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
