I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
