She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I believe in your delicious
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
