Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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