Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am available for nakedness
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
