I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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