I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
