it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he thought i was a dude.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
