Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
