I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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