I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
