I'm so fucking centered right now
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
