ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
