Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I deserve this hangover.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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