I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
