All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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