Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish they made helmets for livers.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
