I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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