Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
