quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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