I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
