I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night