i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt