my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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