Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
