im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sober January is a disaster.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
