I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
