Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
