It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
