We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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