Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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