yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
