yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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