the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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