she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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