it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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