She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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