I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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