I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
