I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
