I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
