OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I did not marry a roomba.
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