Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Randomize