you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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