On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
