...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
