Sry I called you an 8
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
