The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
