sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
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Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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