Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize