if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
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My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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