He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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