I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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