I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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