Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
