He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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