The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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