Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
