Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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