"it" just moved
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
