My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
