Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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