Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
