After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
