i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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