Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
