Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
