3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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