3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
