You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
