So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
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It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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