he thought i was a dude.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
