I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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