Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
