i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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