You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
