Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
